1
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A-hem! A-hem!
2
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Bernard, is it important?
I must finish these Defence papers.
3
00:01:00,007 --> 00:01:02,601
- This is more urgent, Minister.
- What is it?
4
00:01:02,767 --> 00:01:07,204
Your Christmas cards, Minister.
They can't be postponed any longer.
5
00:01:08,487 --> 00:01:11,126
- Eugh. Which is which?
- They're labelled.
6
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These you sign Jim; these Jim Hacker; these
Jim and Annie; these Annie and Jim Hacker;
7
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- these Love from Annie and Jim.
- And those?
8
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Those are printed and those have cyclostyled
signatures so you needn't write anything.
9
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Make sure none of them should have been
personally signed Jim or Jim Hacker
10
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or Jim and Annie or Annie and Jim Hacker
or Love from Annie and Jim.
11
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:37,557
- What about those?
- Constituency cards. Your agent left them.
12
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As you see, they've been divided up. Those
you sign Jim; those Jim Hacker; those Jim and...
13
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Thank you, Bernard! I think I've got the gist.
14
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- Is that it?
- Apart from the ones at Party headquarters.
15
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- Party HQ? I didn't do those last year.
- You weren't Party Chairman last year.
16
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Oh. Do I have to send this one?
17
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- Why not?
- It's to Maurice in Brussels.
18
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He forced through the plan
to standardise the Euro sausage.
19
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Euro sausage?
20
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:10,046
Next year we'll be waving goodbye
to the good old British sausage,
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forced to accept some foreign muck
like salami or bratwurst or something.
22
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They can't stop us eating the British sausage!
23
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They can stop us calling it a sausage.
It'll be called the emulsified high-fat offal tube!
24
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And you swallowed it?
25
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It's my job to implement EEC regulations.
It could finish my career.
26
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- What have they got against our sausage?
- Don't you ever read the papers you give me?
27
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I glanced at it, but it rather put me off.
28
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Apparently, there's not enough meat in it.
29
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"The average British sausage consists of
32.5% fat, 6.5% rind,
30
00:02:50,007 --> 00:02:55,081
"20% water, 10% rusk, 5% seasoning,
preservative and colouring
31
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"and only 26% meat,
32
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"which is mostly gristle, head meat, other offcuts
33
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"and mechanically-recovered meat...
34
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"...steamed off the carcasses."
35
00:03:08,687 --> 00:03:11,599
I don't feel particularly... I had one...
36
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I had one for breakfast.
37
00:03:14,247 --> 00:03:17,000
Perhaps the EEC commissioner is right.
38
00:03:17,167 --> 00:03:21,046
He may be, but it'll be
extremely unpopular with the voters.
39
00:03:21,207 --> 00:03:24,597
We shall just have to grit our teeth
and bite on the bullet.
40
00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:29,761
You can't bite a bullet when gritting your teeth.
If you do that, you can't get a bullet...
41
00:03:29,927 --> 00:03:31,246
Sorry.
42
00:03:31,407 --> 00:03:36,640
By the way, you were going to advise me
what presents to get for the private office.
43
00:03:36,807 --> 00:03:40,720
That's up to you. Bottles of sherry
for the assistant secretaries,
44
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:45,165
large boxes of mints for the diary secretary
and correspondence secretary
45
00:03:45,327 --> 00:03:48,125
and small boxes of mints for the rest.
46
00:03:48,287 --> 00:03:51,085
- What about my Personal Private Secretary?
- That's me.
47
00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:57,637
- Ah, yes, of course! What should I give you?
- You don't have to give me anything.
48
00:03:57,807 --> 00:04:00,765
- I know, but I'd like to.
- Oh, Minister...
49
00:04:00,927 --> 00:04:04,044
- Well, anything, really.
- Such as?
50
00:04:04,207 --> 00:04:06,641
Well, really I would like a surprise.
51
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:12,001
What sort of surprise should I give you?
52
00:04:12,167 --> 00:04:14,886
A bottle of champagne is the customary surprise.
53
00:04:16,407 --> 00:04:20,446
- What time is my meeting with Humphrey?
- That's been cancelled.
54
00:04:20,607 --> 00:04:24,043
Sir Humphrey had an urgent meeting
with the Cabinet Secretary.
55
00:04:24,207 --> 00:04:28,803
The Cabinet Secretary.
Always makes me feel rather nervous.
56
00:04:28,967 --> 00:04:33,085
In some ways, Sir Arnold is
the most powerful chap in the country.
57
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Permanent access to the PM, controls
Cabinet agenda, controls access to everything.
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I wonder what he's up to?
59
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:46,878
- By the way, Humphrey...
- Yes?
60
00:04:47,047 --> 00:04:49,800
I've decided to retire early.
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Oh! Have you, Arnold?
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In the New Year.
63
00:04:56,247 --> 00:04:57,566
Ah...
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00:04:59,447 --> 00:05:04,726
My successor has to be someone
who can be firm with our political masters.
65
00:05:04,887 --> 00:05:07,720
Absolutely. No nonsense with that lot!
66
00:05:07,887 --> 00:05:10,640
- But tactful...
- Exactly.
67
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- Suave, charming, emollient...
- And above all, sound.
68
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:18,041
Sound? Oh, yes, sound.
69
00:05:18,207 --> 00:05:22,041
So my duty is to convey
a recommendation to the Prime Minister
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00:05:22,207 --> 00:05:27,998
as to which of the present Permanent
Secretaries best meets these stringent criteria.
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00:05:30,927 --> 00:05:33,043
And, er...
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00:05:34,207 --> 00:05:38,644
...Have you, er...
Er, er, is there, er... Does anyone, er...
73
00:05:38,807 --> 00:05:45,360
You see, in this job, the problem isn't really
finding the answers, it's finding the questions.
74
00:05:45,527 --> 00:05:49,156
We need the man who can find the key question.
75
00:05:56,167 --> 00:05:59,637
By the way, Arnold,
to change the subject completely,
76
00:05:59,807 --> 00:06:04,597
- what will you be doing when you retire?
- Ah, very good question!
77
00:06:05,607 --> 00:06:09,282
- Very good question.
- There might be jobs you could pick up,
78
00:06:09,447 --> 00:06:14,157
ways you could serve the country,
which your successor, whoever he might be,
79
00:06:14,327 --> 00:06:17,444
could put your way -
er, persuade you to undertake!
80
00:06:18,807 --> 00:06:23,358
I had been giving it some thought.
I'll be chairman of the Banque Occidentale
81
00:06:23,527 --> 00:06:27,361
and there'll be directorships
of IBM and BP and so on.
82
00:06:27,527 --> 00:06:29,722
- But I was thinking...
- Yes?
83
00:06:29,887 --> 00:06:34,119
The Chairmanship of the Opera House Trust
will be coming up next year.
84
00:06:34,287 --> 00:06:39,486
- Chairman of Covent Garden...
- And the chancellorship of Oxford.
85
00:06:39,647 --> 00:06:43,526
The deputy chairmanship
of the Bank of England would be a...
86
00:06:43,687 --> 00:06:47,475
...A challenge?
- A challenge, exactly.
87
00:06:47,647 --> 00:06:50,400
And head of the Security Commission.
88
00:06:50,567 --> 00:06:55,118
The presidency of the Anglo-Caribbean
Association would give one...
89
00:06:55,287 --> 00:06:58,404
...a chance to be of service.
90
00:06:58,567 --> 00:07:00,205
Precisely!
91
00:07:00,367 --> 00:07:03,165
Especially during the winter months.
92
00:07:05,167 --> 00:07:08,955
I'm sure any successor worth his salt
could arrange these.
93
00:07:09,127 --> 00:07:12,915
Do you think so?
That's very reassuring, very reassuring.
94
00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:15,681
But there is another thing.
95
00:07:15,847 --> 00:07:21,683
Certain advice one may have given the Prime
Minister could, if it emerged, be misinterpreted.
96
00:07:21,847 --> 00:07:25,806
- Er, what sort of advice?
- All sensible and reasonable,
97
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:29,118
but advice about using troops during strikes.
98
00:07:29,287 --> 00:07:32,438
A very sensible precaution
that they should be armed,
99
00:07:32,607 --> 00:07:36,486
but, taken out of context, machine guns...
100
00:07:36,647 --> 00:07:39,764
Oh, I'm sure that need never come out.
101
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:45,877
And I did suggest negotiations with South Africa
about reactivating the Simonstown naval base.
102
00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:51,246
Absolutely sensible strategically, of course,
and a great help with the Falklands,
103
00:07:51,407 --> 00:07:56,003
but if one were in line for
Secretary-General of the Commonwealth...
104
00:07:56,167 --> 00:08:00,797
Embarrassing. And you would be in line
to be Secretary-General of the Commonwealth.
105
00:08:00,967 --> 00:08:03,401
Would I? How gratifying!
106
00:08:04,047 --> 00:08:10,805
And I'm sure that the right successor would see
no problem in keeping those files under wraps.
107
00:08:10,967 --> 00:08:12,286
Good.
108
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:15,007
Anyway, to get back to our original point,
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00:08:15,167 --> 00:08:20,924
I think my colleagues and I can see our way
forward to placing your name top of the list.
110
00:08:21,807 --> 00:08:23,240
I see.
111
00:08:24,447 --> 00:08:29,077
May I ask how many other names
will be on the list?
112
00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:32,683
Oh, I don't think there's anyone else
who's up to scratch.
113
00:08:32,847 --> 00:08:35,042
Have another drink.
114
00:08:36,007 --> 00:08:41,957
By the way, I've accepted the presidency
of the Campaign for Freedom of Information.
115
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:46,405
Freedom of Information?! What on earth for?
116
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:51,960
Well, it's very popular with the Opposition, and
today's Opposition is tomorrow's government,
117
00:08:52,127 --> 00:08:56,245
and it will mean one can ensure
that the freedom is not abused.
118
00:08:57,407 --> 00:09:01,719
So, here's to the continuity of sound government.
119
00:09:01,887 --> 00:09:04,526
And freedom of information.
120
00:09:04,687 --> 00:09:08,396
- Whenever it's in the national interest.
- Oh, yes!
121
00:09:11,007 --> 00:09:13,202
(HE HUMS)
122
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:25,005
- Minister, I have some very grave news.
- Yes, Humphrey?
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00:09:25,167 --> 00:09:27,920
The relationship, which I might tentatively aver
124
00:09:28,087 --> 00:09:33,400
has been not without a degree of reciprocal
utility, and even occasional gratification,
125
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:37,719
is approaching a point of irreversible bifurcation
and, to be brief,
126
00:09:37,887 --> 00:09:41,277
is in the propinquity
of its ultimate, regrettable, termination.
127
00:09:47,967 --> 00:09:49,286
I see.
128
00:09:51,527 --> 00:09:54,599
- I'm... on my way out.
- What?
129
00:09:54,767 --> 00:10:00,239
There comes a time when one has to accept
what fate has in store, when one passes on...
130
00:10:00,407 --> 00:10:01,920
Passes on?!
131
00:10:02,087 --> 00:10:04,521
...to pastures new, perhaps greener...
132
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:10,205
...and places oneself finally in the service
of one who is greater than any of us.
133
00:10:10,367 --> 00:10:13,996
- Humphrey, I'm so sorry!
- Thank you, Minister.
134
00:10:14,167 --> 00:10:18,285
- Does Lady Appleby know?
- She's suspected it for some time.
135
00:10:18,447 --> 00:10:21,086
- When did they tell you?
- This afternoon.
136
00:10:21,247 --> 00:10:24,603
- How long do they give you?
- Just a few weeks.
137
00:10:24,767 --> 00:10:26,086
Weeks?!
138
00:10:26,247 --> 00:10:29,398
It'll give me enough time to sort everything out.
139
00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:32,400
Humphrey, you're so terribly brave!
140
00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:38,403
One is a little anxious. One is always wary of
the unknown, but I have faith I'll muddle through.
141
00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:46,076
Minister, what's the matter?
142
00:10:46,527 --> 00:10:48,836
I'm sorry, Humphrey.
143
00:10:49,007 --> 00:10:53,125
It's just we've had our ups and downs, but...
144
00:10:53,287 --> 00:10:56,279
Oh, Minister, don't take on so!
145
00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:59,727
We'll still see one another regularly.
146
00:11:03,767 --> 00:11:06,725
- Yes, once a week at least.
- What?
147
00:11:06,887 --> 00:11:09,879
- I haven't told you where I'm going yet.
- Eh?
148
00:11:11,007 --> 00:11:14,477
I have been appointed Secretary to the Cabinet.
149
00:11:16,047 --> 00:11:19,676
- Secretary to the Cabinet?
- Why, what did you think?
150
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:21,997
I... I thought... I thought...
151
00:11:23,727 --> 00:11:27,083
Sorry about crying.
I'm not myself today, a little tired.
152
00:11:27,727 --> 00:11:30,719
Overwrought. Things have been, you know...
153
00:11:30,887 --> 00:11:32,639
I am so sorry.
154
00:11:32,807 --> 00:11:37,722
Perhaps as Cabinet Secretary designate
I should suggest some lightening of the load...
155
00:11:37,887 --> 00:11:41,562
- No, no. Don't misunderstand me. I'm fine, fine!
- Good, good.
156
00:11:41,727 --> 00:11:45,037
- So, you're going to be Cabinet Secretary.
- Yes.
157
00:11:45,207 --> 00:11:47,767
- Cabinet Secretary!
- Mm-hmm.
158
00:11:47,927 --> 00:11:50,600
- Secretary to the Cabinet!
- YES!
159
00:11:50,767 --> 00:11:54,396
- That's a great honour. Congratulations.
- Thank you.
160
00:11:54,567 --> 00:11:58,037
- 'Course, that means that you and I...
- Alas, yes.
161
00:11:58,207 --> 00:12:01,119
- How shall I manage?
- Probably even better without me.
162
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:04,484
Yes, I probably... No, no, certainly not, no!
163
00:12:04,647 --> 00:12:10,085
So you're going to do for the Prime Minister
what you've always done to me.
164
00:12:10,247 --> 00:12:11,646
For me!
165
00:12:12,687 --> 00:12:15,155
PM's right-hand man.
166
00:12:15,327 --> 00:12:19,240
- Advising on issues.
- Quite so.
167
00:12:19,407 --> 00:12:23,286
And, er, and people, no doubt.
168
00:12:23,447 --> 00:12:25,244
Minister?
169
00:12:26,567 --> 00:12:28,956
- Humphrey...
- Yes, Minister?
170
00:12:29,127 --> 00:12:33,484
I want you to know
I think you've been absolutely wonderful.
171
00:12:34,127 --> 00:12:38,996
Highest admiration for all you've done.
Wonderful work. Wonderful work.
172
00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:42,716
- Finest tradition of the service.
- Minister, you're too kind.
173
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:46,357
I just hope you feel that I... In my...
174
00:12:48,127 --> 00:12:50,322
When things are... Well, it...
175
00:12:50,487 --> 00:12:52,682
If it should come up, er...
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00:12:52,847 --> 00:12:56,078
I think we've made
a jolly good team here, you and I?
177
00:12:56,247 --> 00:13:01,367
- I couldn't have wished for a better Minister.
- Humphrey, you're too kind!
178
00:13:02,207 --> 00:13:05,165
When are you going to tell the staff?
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00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:08,239
On Friday evening, just before it's promulgated.
180
00:13:08,407 --> 00:13:13,765
- I will bid them farewell at the Christmas party.
- That will certainly make it a happy occasion!
181
00:13:14,607 --> 00:13:18,122
- And sad.
- Sad, yes, sad.
182
00:13:18,287 --> 00:13:20,039
Terribly sad.
183
00:13:21,327 --> 00:13:24,046
- Enjoying yourself?
- Yes, thank you, Minister.
184
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:27,517
- Enjoying yourself?
- Yes, Minister. Lovely party.
185
00:13:27,687 --> 00:13:32,238
- Yes, it's frightfully good fun.
- Always good to let your hair down.
186
00:13:34,567 --> 00:13:40,199
Right, now I think it's time I said a few words.
187
00:13:41,127 --> 00:13:44,437
This is a very, very special occasion for us all.
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00:13:44,607 --> 00:13:47,838
Peace on Earth, goodwill to all men.
189
00:13:48,007 --> 00:13:50,123
Sorry, persons!
190
00:13:50,967 --> 00:13:55,961
It's always good to have this little get-together
amongst the people who've served me, er...
191
00:13:56,127 --> 00:14:01,326
...worked with me... for me... no, with me
here at the Department of Adminis...
192
00:14:03,527 --> 00:14:05,563
...Ministry of Administr...
193
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:08,478
...at the DAA.
194
00:14:09,167 --> 00:14:13,604
We're a team, like the Cabinet,
except we're all on the same side...
195
00:14:14,647 --> 00:14:18,879
Not that the Cabinet...
Well, I meant... really, the shadow Cabinet.
196
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:23,164
Let's keep politics out of this. Season of goodwill.
197
00:14:24,327 --> 00:14:27,319
That's why Parliament doesn't sit over Christmas!
198
00:14:31,007 --> 00:14:34,636
Season of goodwill. Even to one's officials!
199
00:14:37,767 --> 00:14:40,486
Well, what can I say? Humphrey.
200
00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:44,117
(BERNARD) Sir Humphrey Appleby!
(ALL) Sir Humphrey Appleby!
201
00:14:44,287 --> 00:14:49,998
Thank you. I'd just like to thank you all for
all the hard work you've done all these years.
202
00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:56,561
An occasion like this engenders a certain
emotional ambiguity and personal ambivalence.
203
00:14:56,727 --> 00:15:00,003
- What's he ambigulous about?
- While one is, one should say,
204
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:04,319
honoured by the cause of one's departure,
one is saddened by the fact of it -
205
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:11,006
in particular, saddened to leave the service of
a Minister without parallel in one's experience.
206
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:13,317
I say, that's jolly decent.
207
00:15:13,487 --> 00:15:16,160
- A unique partnership.
- Absolutely unique.
208
00:15:16,327 --> 00:15:19,763
So I should end by wishing
a happy Christmas to you all,
209
00:15:19,927 --> 00:15:24,523
but in particular to a Minister whom,
in the brief time we've had him with us
210
00:15:24,687 --> 00:15:28,999
we've watched grow in standing,
stature and sureness of touch.
211
00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:32,637
So, seasonal felicitations to you all,
212
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:37,756
but please, please, do remember
the Home Secretary's campaign for the holiday:
213
00:15:37,927 --> 00:15:40,521
Don't drink and drive this Christmas.
214
00:15:40,687 --> 00:15:43,360
I'll drink to that! ...Oh, dear, I'm sorry!
215
00:15:46,887 --> 00:15:51,517
- I do wish you'd let me drive, Jim.
- I'm driving perfectly stably.
216
00:15:51,687 --> 00:15:54,599
True, but we have to get home before dawn!
217
00:16:25,687 --> 00:16:28,440
Good evening, Cinstable. Happy Crispsmas.
218
00:16:28,607 --> 00:16:31,519
- May I see your licence, sir?
- Certainly.
219
00:16:31,687 --> 00:16:35,077
- Aren't you Mr Jim Hacker?
- That's right.
220
00:16:35,247 --> 00:16:40,116
- What seems to be the trouble?
- Any reason you were driving so slowly?
221
00:16:40,287 --> 00:16:42,721
I didn't want the kerb to hit me...
222
00:16:42,887 --> 00:16:46,004
I didn't want to hit the kerb.
223
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:49,557
Look, I've got a silver badge somewhere.
224
00:16:49,727 --> 00:16:54,676
- I see. Perhaps Constable Evans can drive you.
- It's all right, Officer. I'll drive.
225
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:58,123
OK, Mrs Hacker.
If you're in a proper state to drive.
226
00:16:58,287 --> 00:17:01,996
I don't drink, Officer.
Well, not when my husband's driving.
227
00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:06,121
Nor do I, hardly.
228
00:17:10,047 --> 00:17:14,484
- There we are.
- Nice little place you have here, Humphrey.
229
00:17:14,647 --> 00:17:18,435
- Thank you.
- You handled your first Cabinet meeting well.
230
00:17:18,607 --> 00:17:23,203
- What was it like sitting next to the PM?
- Do sit down, Minister.
231
00:17:23,367 --> 00:17:29,397
I've asked you to drop in for a coffee because
the Home Office informs me of a traffic incident.
232
00:17:29,567 --> 00:17:30,886
Oh.
233
00:17:31,047 --> 00:17:34,039
- Yes, I see.
- It's entirely your own affair...
234
00:17:34,207 --> 00:17:36,767
- Precisely.
- But the PM takes a grave view.
235
00:17:36,927 --> 00:17:41,717
- He feels Ministers should set an example.
- You're not ticking me off, are you?
236
00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:46,324
Far be it from me, I'm only a servant
of the Cabinet, a humble functionary.
237
00:17:46,487 --> 00:17:49,718
But I need to assure the Home Office
it won't occur again.
238
00:17:49,887 --> 00:17:54,358
- What do they give us silver badges for?
- It's a very special privilege, Minister.
239
00:17:54,527 --> 00:17:59,647
It allows us to pass through police cordons
and park in prohibited areas and so forth.
240
00:17:59,807 --> 00:18:02,924
It is not to protect drunks who drive cars.
241
00:18:04,727 --> 00:18:09,755
I will not be lectured by a functionary,
even one as humble as your good self.
242
00:18:09,927 --> 00:18:14,717
- I'm a Minister of the Crown.
- Yes, of course. I do apologise.
243
00:18:14,887 --> 00:18:18,926
I will inform the Crown of the incident
if that is your wish.
244
00:18:22,807 --> 00:18:24,365
I...
245
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:29,638
Now I think of it,
you can tell the Home Office I take the point.
246
00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:34,756
- Thank you, Minister.
- Does the Home Secretary himself know?
247
00:18:34,927 --> 00:18:37,202
It hardly matters.
248
00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:41,804
I'm afraid the Home Secretary
has not been as lucky as you were,
249
00:18:41,967 --> 00:18:44,606
which is why he wasn't at Cabinet.
250
00:18:46,407 --> 00:18:51,242
As you're aware, he initiated this
"Don't drink and drive at Christmas" campaign
251
00:18:51,407 --> 00:18:53,682
and ordered the police to "get tough".
252
00:18:53,847 --> 00:18:55,599
Well, unfortunately...
253
00:18:56,487 --> 00:19:01,515
...he, too, was picked up last night
for drunken driving in his own constituency.
254
00:19:02,487 --> 00:19:05,479
Have you seen the first edition of the Standard?
255
00:19:11,447 --> 00:19:15,440
- Where on earth was his security man?
- He'd given him the slip.
256
00:19:15,607 --> 00:19:18,599
You know how cunning these drunks can be.
257
00:19:20,487 --> 00:19:24,036
Couldn't they have hushed it up?
Silver badge job?
258
00:19:24,207 --> 00:19:30,396
His case was rather different. He caused
a lorry to overturn. It was full of nuclear waste.
259
00:19:32,927 --> 00:19:38,797
Then he rebounded from the lorry into a private
car driven by the editor of a local newspaper.
260
00:19:38,967 --> 00:19:40,286
Oh, no.
261
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:43,405
- Inevitably, it leaked out.
- The nuclear waste?
262
00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:46,159
No, the story.
263
00:19:47,007 --> 00:19:50,602
- The Home Secretary will have to resign.
- Alas, yes.
264
00:19:50,767 --> 00:19:53,235
- What will happen to him?
- Well...
265
00:19:53,407 --> 00:19:59,164
I gather he was as drunk as a lord, so after a
discreet interval, they'll probably make him one!
266
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,520
He's obviously been held up.
267
00:20:04,727 --> 00:20:07,525
You can stamp some cards if you like.
268
00:20:07,687 --> 00:20:09,757
- Aren't they to constituents?
- Yes.
269
00:20:09,927 --> 00:20:15,684
That's not government business, that's political
activity. I'm not allowed to help with that.
270
00:20:15,847 --> 00:20:18,281
- If they're to journalists?
- That'd be OK.
271
00:20:18,447 --> 00:20:20,722
- They're to journalists.
- Fine.
272
00:20:21,207 --> 00:20:25,405
I suppose licking is an essential part
of relationships with the press.
273
00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:31,645
- I hear the reshuffle is about to be announced.
- It may be on the news.
274
00:20:31,807 --> 00:20:36,005
I like to watch the news. It's my best chance
of finding out where Jim is.
275
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:41,161
(NEWSREADER)... There was no question of
American military personnel getting involved.
276
00:20:41,327 --> 00:20:45,320
We've j'ust had a newsflash
from Number 10 Downing Street.
277
00:20:45,487 --> 00:20:48,604
The Prime Minister
is to retire early in the New Year.
278
00:20:48,767 --> 00:20:51,645
He does not want to serve
in another Parliament,
279
00:20:51,807 --> 00:20:55,083
giving his successor a good run-up
to the next election.
280
00:20:55,247 --> 00:20:58,364
We'll bring you further news as soon as we can.
281
00:20:58,527 --> 00:21:00,802
(ALL) Have you heard?
(ALL) Yes!
282
00:21:00,967 --> 00:21:04,801
- The emergency Cabinet meeting was to tell us.
- Why so suddenly?
283
00:21:04,967 --> 00:21:10,724
He said to give his successor a good run-up to
the next election, so that can't be the reason.
284
00:21:10,887 --> 00:21:14,562
- Why, then?
- Some extraordinary rumours are going about.
285
00:21:14,727 --> 00:21:17,480
The left say he's a secret CIA agent.
286
00:21:17,647 --> 00:21:22,767
- The right say he's a secret KGB agent.
- Minister, I've heard something quite different,
287
00:21:22,927 --> 00:21:27,717
that there is £1 million-worth of diamonds
from South Africa in a Downing Street safe,
288
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:30,037
- but it's only a rumour.
- Is that true?
289
00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,526
Yes.
290
00:21:32,607 --> 00:21:36,122
So, there ARE all those diamonds
in Downing Street!
291
00:21:36,287 --> 00:21:38,676
- Are there?
- You said there were!
292
00:21:38,847 --> 00:21:40,599
- I didn't.
- You did!
293
00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:44,396
- I said is the rumour true, you said yes!
- True it's a rumour.
294
00:21:44,567 --> 00:21:46,876
- You heard it was true!
- True I heard it!
295
00:21:47,047 --> 00:21:51,518
- Sorry to cut in, but do you believe it?
- I believe I heard it.
296
00:21:51,687 --> 00:21:55,157
- Oh, about the diamonds? No.
- Is it impossible?
297
00:21:55,327 --> 00:21:58,285
No, but it's never been officially denied.
298
00:21:58,447 --> 00:22:02,804
First rule of politics:
Never believe anything until it's officially denied.
299
00:22:02,967 --> 00:22:06,437
- Will there be a general election?
- There's no need.
300
00:22:06,607 --> 00:22:09,997
The majority's big enough.
We'll just choose a new leader.
301
00:22:10,167 --> 00:22:12,681
- Do you want the job?
- Me? No chance!
302
00:22:12,847 --> 00:22:15,361
It'll either be Eric or Duncan.
303
00:22:15,527 --> 00:22:18,439
It should have been Ray. He was Deputy Leader.
304
00:22:18,607 --> 00:22:21,485
But as he's had to resign as Home Secretary...
305
00:22:22,127 --> 00:22:27,121
- Of course! That's why the PM resigned!
- (BERNARD) Why?
306
00:22:27,287 --> 00:22:33,044
He's always hated Ray. He just hung on
to make sure his deputy didn't get the leadership!
307
00:22:34,567 --> 00:22:36,159
Like Attlee and Morrison.
308
00:22:36,327 --> 00:22:40,957
So the resignation is to give time for
the new leader to be run in before the election?
309
00:22:41,127 --> 00:22:46,360
- Now that the Home Secretary's been run in!
- Eric wants my support for the leadership.
310
00:22:46,527 --> 00:22:50,759
He could be the right man.
He's been a fairly successful Chancellor.
311
00:22:50,927 --> 00:22:54,761
I've already indicated that I'm... on his side.
312
00:22:54,927 --> 00:22:58,602
- What about Duncan?
- Yes, Duncan could be the man.
313
00:22:58,767 --> 00:23:01,565
He's done fairly well at the Foreign Office.
314
00:23:01,727 --> 00:23:05,800
- I think I'll support Duncan.
- You're supporting Eric AND Duncan?
315
00:23:05,967 --> 00:23:10,199
It's all very well, but if I support Eric
and Duncan gets it, that's it.
316
00:23:10,367 --> 00:23:14,485
- If I support Duncan and Eric gets it, that's it.
- Don't support either!
317
00:23:14,647 --> 00:23:17,844
- Whoever gets it, that's it.
- So who are you supporting?
318
00:23:18,007 --> 00:23:19,759
Duncan.
319
00:23:22,807 --> 00:23:24,286
Or Eric.
320
00:23:25,327 --> 00:23:29,525
Duncan's so divisive.
It really would be for the good of the party,
321
00:23:29,687 --> 00:23:33,236
- the good of the country...
- Eric, I don't see how I can.
322
00:23:33,407 --> 00:23:37,320
Your support would be crucial.
You're universally popular...
323
00:23:37,487 --> 00:23:40,001
- I don't know...
- Good public image...
324
00:23:40,167 --> 00:23:42,556
- Yes...
- Regarded as sound.
325
00:23:42,727 --> 00:23:45,639
- Am I?
- So, if you put your weight behind me...
326
00:23:45,807 --> 00:23:49,004
You see my problem as chairman of the party.
327
00:23:49,167 --> 00:23:53,080
- What would happen if Duncan got it? Disaster!
- Well...
328
00:23:53,247 --> 00:23:56,523
Tell you what.
I wouldn't keep him at the Foreign Office.
329
00:23:57,407 --> 00:23:59,875
I'd look for a new Foreign Secretary.
330
00:24:04,967 --> 00:24:08,039
But as I said, I must appear impartial.
331
00:24:09,207 --> 00:24:13,758
But if there could be ways of hinting
at my support for you...
332
00:24:14,607 --> 00:24:17,599
...in a perfectly impartial way...
333
00:24:23,247 --> 00:24:28,275
- But Duncan, as chairman of the party...
- As such you carry even more weight.
334
00:24:28,447 --> 00:24:31,723
You haven't got any real enemies.
Not yet, anyway.
335
00:24:31,887 --> 00:24:34,765
But it's my job to be impartial.
336
00:24:34,927 --> 00:24:38,966
- If Eric got into Number 10 it'd be catastrophic.
- Yes...
337
00:24:39,127 --> 00:24:42,164
Jim, we're on the same side, aren't we?
338
00:24:43,127 --> 00:24:44,640
- Yes.
- Good.
339
00:24:44,807 --> 00:24:48,277
I'm going to win and I never forgive people
who let me down.
340
00:24:51,087 --> 00:24:53,965
I can't make my support too public.
341
00:24:54,127 --> 00:24:58,405
It doesn't have to be public,
just so long as everybody knows.
342
00:24:59,487 --> 00:25:03,765
Then when I'm in Number 10,
and Eric's in Northern Ireland...
343
00:25:07,687 --> 00:25:12,203
- we know who'll be the next Chancellor, don't we?
- Do we?
344
00:25:13,647 --> 00:25:15,877
You mean...?
345
00:25:16,487 --> 00:25:19,399
Unless you fancy Northern Ireland yourself?
346
00:25:28,047 --> 00:25:31,960
How are things
at the Campaign for the Freedom of Information?
347
00:25:32,127 --> 00:25:34,402
Sorry, I can't talk about that.
348
00:25:39,367 --> 00:25:45,476
So, will the new PM be our eminent Chancellor,
or our distinguished Foreign Secretary?
349
00:25:45,647 --> 00:25:48,445
Well, which do you think it should be?
350
00:25:48,607 --> 00:25:53,397
Difficult. Like asking which lunatic
should run the asylum.
351
00:25:53,567 --> 00:25:58,687
Trouble is, they're both interventionists,
with notions about running the country themselves
352
00:25:58,847 --> 00:26:01,680
- if they became PM.
- Have we any allies?
353
00:26:01,847 --> 00:26:04,520
Quite a few, the Chief Whip particularly.
354
00:26:04,687 --> 00:26:09,317
He's worried that whichever gets the job
will antagonise the other's supporters
355
00:26:09,487 --> 00:26:13,765
- and split the party.
- So we need a compromise candidate.
356
00:26:13,927 --> 00:26:15,963
Hmm. Malleable.
357
00:26:16,127 --> 00:26:17,685
- Flexible.
- Likeable.
358
00:26:17,847 --> 00:26:19,838
- No firm opinions.
- No bright ideas.
359
00:26:20,007 --> 00:26:25,604
- Not intellectually committed.
- No strength of purpose to change anything.
360
00:26:25,767 --> 00:26:29,885
Someone who can be
manipulated, professionally guided.
361
00:26:30,047 --> 00:26:33,960
And leave the business of government
in the hands of the experts.
362
00:26:53,487 --> 00:26:56,763
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!
It's impossible.
363
00:26:56,927 --> 00:27:03,446
Why? A lot of the government
would welcome a less-interventionist leader.
364
00:27:03,607 --> 00:27:07,236
- Not the other two candidates!
- They might be persuaded.
365
00:27:07,407 --> 00:27:12,162
- What, to stand aside?
- Yes. Have you seen their Ml5 files?
366
00:27:12,887 --> 00:27:17,199
- No.
- Always send for Cabinet Ministers' Ml5 files
367
00:27:17,367 --> 00:27:19,881
if you enjoy a good laugh!
368
00:27:21,927 --> 00:27:23,997
- Oh, Bernard.
- Sir.
369
00:27:24,167 --> 00:27:26,601
- Just...
- Thank you very much.
370
00:27:26,767 --> 00:27:28,917
- Do sit down.
- Thank you.
371
00:27:31,287 --> 00:27:34,165
- Happy New Year, by the way.
- Thank you.
372
00:27:34,327 --> 00:27:35,840
Right.
373
00:27:36,007 --> 00:27:37,360
So...
374
00:27:37,527 --> 00:27:44,080
...this is our very last piece of DAA business.
- Yes, I'm afraid so, Sir Humphrey.
375
00:27:44,247 --> 00:27:45,760
Ah, well.
376
00:27:46,767 --> 00:27:50,123
Bernard, just let me ask you something.
377
00:27:50,847 --> 00:27:53,884
What would you say to your present master...
378
00:27:56,287 --> 00:27:58,755
...as the next Prime Minister?
379
00:28:01,927 --> 00:28:03,804
- The Minister?
- Yes.
380
00:28:03,967 --> 00:28:05,844
- Mr Hacker?
- Yes.
381
00:28:06,647 --> 00:28:09,241
- As Prime Minister?
- Yes.
382
00:28:11,007 --> 00:28:15,205
- Are you in a hurry?
- Just checking it's not April 1st.
383
00:28:19,727 --> 00:28:24,039
Are you suggesting your Minister
is not up to the job of Prime Minister?
384
00:28:24,207 --> 00:28:26,880
Oh, no, Sir Arnold, it's not for me to, er...
385
00:28:27,047 --> 00:28:31,120
Well, I mean...
Of course, I'm... I'm sure he's, er...
386
00:28:32,847 --> 00:28:34,360
Oh, gosh!
387
00:28:34,527 --> 00:28:38,964
There is a body of opinion
that sees many advantages in the appointment.
388
00:28:39,127 --> 00:28:41,516
- For Britain.
- For Britain.
389
00:28:41,687 --> 00:28:44,759
- Yes, well, yes...
- So we trust you
390
00:28:44,927 --> 00:28:50,604
to ensure your Minister does nothing incisive
or divisive over the next few weeks.
391
00:28:50,767 --> 00:28:56,922
- Avoids anything controversial.
- Expresses no firm opinion about anything.
392
00:28:57,727 --> 00:29:03,484
- Now, is that quite clear?
- I think that's what he was planning anyway.
393
00:29:08,927 --> 00:29:13,842
What's it all for, Bernard? What are we all doing?
What does it all mean?
394
00:29:14,007 --> 00:29:16,646
I didn't read theology, Minister.
395
00:29:16,807 --> 00:29:20,356
The waste of it all.
Take that EEC reception last night.
396
00:29:20,527 --> 00:29:26,636
Humphrey introduced me to an official
who pays farmers to produce surplus food
397
00:29:26,807 --> 00:29:32,757
and then he introduced me to another official
who pays others to destroy all the surpluses.
398
00:29:32,927 --> 00:29:38,399
Then they pay thousands of bureaucrats
to push masses of paper round to make it all work.
399
00:29:38,567 --> 00:29:43,846
- Doesn't the futility of it all depress you?
- Not really. I'm a civil servant.
400
00:29:46,087 --> 00:29:48,920
I've been talking to Eric and Duncan.
401
00:29:49,767 --> 00:29:52,839
I think I've promised to support Eric's candidature.
402
00:29:53,007 --> 00:29:56,841
- I see.
- Then I think I promised to support Duncan's.
403
00:29:57,007 --> 00:30:02,161
- That sounds very even-handed, Minister.
- But I can't keep both promises. Sherry?
404
00:30:02,327 --> 00:30:06,639
- Thank you. They were only political promises.
- Yes... What do you mean?
405
00:30:07,047 --> 00:30:11,040
I mean, like your manifesto promises,
people understand.
406
00:30:11,207 --> 00:30:12,526
Yes.
407
00:30:12,687 --> 00:30:18,444
Trouble is, I can't remember either of them
making any categorical promises to me.
408
00:30:18,607 --> 00:30:22,919
- Then you have no problem.
- I have. I've still to decide who to support.
409
00:30:23,087 --> 00:30:26,682
It's not just picking the winner.
My support could tip the balance.
410
00:30:26,847 --> 00:30:31,557
The question is, do I want to be Foreign
Secretary or Chancellor of the Exchequer?
411
00:30:31,727 --> 00:30:34,400
- Neither, do you?
- Why not?
412
00:30:34,567 --> 00:30:37,127
They're both such terrible jobs!
413
00:30:37,287 --> 00:30:40,518
You're talking about two
of the top three Cabinet jobs.
414
00:30:40,687 --> 00:30:42,086
I realise that.
415
00:30:42,247 --> 00:30:45,956
- As a civil servant, you don't understand politics.
- Sorry.
416
00:30:46,127 --> 00:30:48,687
To be a success, you have to be in the limelight.
417
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:53,875
You have a very high profile as Chancellor of
the Exchequer, and that has to be good for votes.
418
00:30:54,047 --> 00:30:57,926
- You see now, don't you?
- But with respect, Minister...
419
00:30:58,087 --> 00:31:02,126
The Chancellor is Mr Killjoy.
Raising taxes on beer and cigarettes
420
00:31:02,287 --> 00:31:06,565
and cutting down public spending
goes down badly with the electorate.
421
00:31:08,207 --> 00:31:13,600
Maybe I don't want to be Chancellor
of the Exchequer. There's no escape in that job.
422
00:31:13,767 --> 00:31:18,887
No, Minister. Unless you're sent to the Foreign
and Commonwealth Office as a punishment.
423
00:31:19,047 --> 00:31:21,720
- Punishment?
- It's an even worse job.
424
00:31:21,887 --> 00:31:24,321
- No votes in Foreign Affairs?
- Exactly.
425
00:31:24,487 --> 00:31:28,036
The FCO loves foreigners,
but the British people don't.
426
00:31:28,207 --> 00:31:29,799
Quite.
427
00:31:30,367 --> 00:31:34,440
As far as world politics goes,
the Foreign Office is an irrelevance.
428
00:31:34,607 --> 00:31:38,998
We've no real power.
We're just an American missile base!
429
00:31:39,167 --> 00:31:40,646
Yes, Minister.
430
00:31:40,807 --> 00:31:43,640
Between the devil and the deep blue sea.
431
00:31:43,807 --> 00:31:47,038
Unless... Of course, there is one other option.
432
00:31:47,207 --> 00:31:49,801
- What other option?
- Do the middle job.
433
00:31:49,967 --> 00:31:55,644
Middle job? What, Home Secretary? Responsible
for all the muggings, jailbreaks and race riots?
434
00:31:55,807 --> 00:31:59,925
- No, thank you!
- No, be the one who takes all the credit.
435
00:32:01,047 --> 00:32:03,845
What do you mean? You mean...?
436
00:32:05,127 --> 00:32:07,516
You don't mean...?
437
00:32:10,407 --> 00:32:13,319
You do mean...?
438
00:32:13,887 --> 00:32:16,799
How's it all looking from the Chief Whip's office?
439
00:32:16,967 --> 00:32:20,801
If Eric gets it
we'll have a party split in three months.
440
00:32:20,967 --> 00:32:23,242
If it's Duncan, it'll take three weeks.
441
00:32:23,407 --> 00:32:27,116
Geoffrey, the PM's asked me
to take you into my confidence.
442
00:32:27,287 --> 00:32:33,237
I shouldn't be telling you this, but there are,
how shall I say, security question marks
443
00:32:33,407 --> 00:32:35,875
over both the current candidates.
444
00:32:36,047 --> 00:32:39,926
- What question marks?
- Alas, I can say no more.
445
00:32:41,847 --> 00:32:45,442
The only person I can disclose this to
in the PM's absence,
446
00:32:45,607 --> 00:32:49,316
and as it is essentially a party matter,
is the chairman of the party.
447
00:32:49,487 --> 00:32:51,921
- Jim Hacker.
- He's promised to join us.
448
00:32:52,087 --> 00:32:56,478
But in the meantime, do you think the party
can find a compromise candidate?
449
00:32:56,647 --> 00:33:03,200
- Could be any one of half a dozen.
- Have you considered the party chairman?
450
00:33:04,047 --> 00:33:06,083
Jim Hacker?!
451
00:33:08,287 --> 00:33:10,482
Jim Hacker...
452
00:33:10,647 --> 00:33:12,956
Yes, it is possible, isn't it?
453
00:33:13,127 --> 00:33:17,006
After all, there have been
less likely Prime Ministers.
454
00:33:17,767 --> 00:33:19,280
Yes...
455
00:33:20,207 --> 00:33:21,720
Who?
456
00:33:22,847 --> 00:33:25,486
Oh, there must have been!
457
00:33:25,647 --> 00:33:27,763
(BUZZER)
458
00:33:27,927 --> 00:33:31,761
Yes? Oh, all right. Send him in.
459
00:33:34,847 --> 00:33:37,281
Minister, so good of you to call.
460
00:33:37,447 --> 00:33:39,199
- Henry.
- Morning.
461
00:33:39,367 --> 00:33:41,676
Do sit down. Minister...
462
00:33:41,847 --> 00:33:45,237
...I have a problem and I need your help.
463
00:33:45,407 --> 00:33:48,285
Oh, dear! Can't you run the country on your own?
464
00:33:51,047 --> 00:33:55,120
- It is a rather grave matter, I'm afraid.
- Yes, of course.
465
00:33:56,207 --> 00:34:01,406
It's to do with the leadership election. The PM
felt we had no alternative but to call you in.
466
00:34:01,567 --> 00:34:03,285
That bad, eh?
467
00:34:04,127 --> 00:34:06,925
There are certain items of confidential information
468
00:34:07,087 --> 00:34:10,921
which, while in theory might be susceptible
of innocent interpretation,
469
00:34:11,087 --> 00:34:14,966
do nevertheless contain
a sufficient element of ambiguity,
470
00:34:15,127 --> 00:34:19,325
so that were they to be presented
in a less than generous manner,
471
00:34:19,487 --> 00:34:23,162
might be a source
of great embarrassment and even hazard
472
00:34:23,327 --> 00:34:29,004
were they to impinge upon the deliberations
of an office of more than usual sensitivity.
473
00:34:29,567 --> 00:34:31,478
I'm sorry?
474
00:34:34,487 --> 00:34:39,003
- He's talking about security question marks.
- Security? What do you mean?
475
00:34:39,167 --> 00:34:42,204
- Secrets.
- I know what security means.
476
00:34:42,367 --> 00:34:45,837
- But what do you mean?
- I'm not allowed to know.
477
00:34:46,007 --> 00:34:47,804
- Why not?
- Security.
478
00:34:50,887 --> 00:34:55,278
So, since in the PM's absence
you are deputising on party matters,
479
00:34:55,447 --> 00:34:59,565
may I show you the security file
on the Chancellor of the Exchequer?
480
00:34:59,727 --> 00:35:03,163
Technically, I can't show you any of it, but, er...
481
00:35:07,087 --> 00:35:11,205
...under the circumstances,
I feel I can show you relevant items.
482
00:35:11,367 --> 00:35:15,076
Here's a summary of the reports
from the security services.
483
00:35:16,407 --> 00:35:18,318
Special Branch...
484
00:35:18,487 --> 00:35:20,045
There we are.
485
00:35:20,207 --> 00:35:22,846
Interview with his driver.
486
00:35:25,607 --> 00:35:28,758
And the PM's confidential memo.
487
00:35:30,087 --> 00:35:33,284
- Strictest secrecy, of course.
- Of course.
488
00:35:36,687 --> 00:35:38,598
Dirty old...!
489
00:35:41,047 --> 00:35:43,800
You wouldn't have thought he had the time,
490
00:35:43,967 --> 00:35:46,197
a workaholic like Eric.
491
00:35:46,367 --> 00:35:50,519
I've found that people who are highly active
in one area of life
492
00:35:50,687 --> 00:35:53,326
tend to be equally active in all the others.
493
00:35:53,487 --> 00:35:55,637
You wouldn't think he went in for...
494
00:35:55,807 --> 00:35:59,959
I understand the current expression
is horizontal jogging, Minister.
495
00:36:03,527 --> 00:36:07,202
All this was some time ago
and it doesn't seem very conclusive.
496
00:36:07,367 --> 00:36:10,677
That's why the PM thought it all right
for him to be Chancellor.
497
00:36:10,847 --> 00:36:14,078
But the Yugoslavian one
and the two South Africans,
498
00:36:14,247 --> 00:36:17,125
not to mention the shady lady from Argentina...
499
00:36:17,287 --> 00:36:22,077
- And it's thought she's just a cover anyway.
- Cover? What for?
500
00:36:22,247 --> 00:36:23,726
Good heavens!
501
00:36:23,887 --> 00:36:29,519
If all these ladies were just covers,
what on earth were his real requirements?
502
00:36:30,767 --> 00:36:33,804
- I really can't tell you.
- Ooh!
503
00:36:34,967 --> 00:36:39,995
So it was thought that Defence
and the Foreign Office might be too delicate.
504
00:36:40,167 --> 00:36:43,523
- I can see that!
- Then, if he were PM...
505
00:36:43,687 --> 00:36:47,123
he'd be head of security services as well.
It's unthinkable.
506
00:36:47,287 --> 00:36:53,157
- You're saying it's got to be Duncan.
- I was coming to that. This is his file.
507
00:36:54,007 --> 00:36:56,316
Special Branch again.
508
00:36:56,487 --> 00:36:59,320
Then we have the Fraud Squad...
509
00:37:00,447 --> 00:37:02,517
Inland Revenue...
510
00:37:02,687 --> 00:37:06,760
Secret auditors' reports, Bank of England
foreign exchange division...
511
00:37:06,927 --> 00:37:09,282
How much do you want?
512
00:37:09,447 --> 00:37:12,564
All this was technically legal at the time, wasn't it?
513
00:37:12,727 --> 00:37:17,562
Yes, it may have been technically, but it ruled
him out of consideration for the Treasury.
514
00:37:17,727 --> 00:37:20,605
How did they get all this - Ml5?
515
00:37:20,767 --> 00:37:25,079
Er, well, let's just say
it's all been gone into quite enough.
516
00:37:25,247 --> 00:37:27,283
Like the shady lady!
517
00:37:29,527 --> 00:37:34,282
- Isn't it all astounding, all this?
- I don't know. I haven't seen it!
518
00:37:36,887 --> 00:37:41,722
- Humphrey, don't think me foolish...
- Oh, Minister, perish the thought!
519
00:37:41,887 --> 00:37:46,085
- Forgive me, Geoffrey. Why are you here?
- We dare not allow these scandals.
520
00:37:46,247 --> 00:37:50,286
If they are so embarrassing,
it would embarrass the country and the party
521
00:37:50,447 --> 00:37:52,915
if either of them became head of government.
522
00:37:53,087 --> 00:37:56,875
- We can't be caught with our trousers down.
- Like Eric!
523
00:37:58,647 --> 00:38:00,365
I see.
524
00:38:01,407 --> 00:38:03,523
Yes, this is serious.
525
00:38:03,687 --> 00:38:05,643
- Very serious.
- Very serious.
526
00:38:05,807 --> 00:38:10,244
- What could happen if one them became PM?
- Something very serious indeed.
527
00:38:10,407 --> 00:38:12,602
- Very serious.
- I see.
528
00:38:13,047 --> 00:38:16,801
- Serious repercussions...
- Serious repercussions...
529
00:38:16,967 --> 00:38:19,401
...of the utmost seriousness.
530
00:38:19,887 --> 00:38:22,401
Yes, that is serious.
531
00:38:22,567 --> 00:38:27,561
In fact, I would go so far as to say
that it could hardly be more serious.
532
00:38:29,887 --> 00:38:33,323
Well, I think we're all agreed, then, this is serious.
533
00:38:33,487 --> 00:38:34,920
Yes.
534
00:38:35,087 --> 00:38:37,282
What happens now?
535
00:38:37,447 --> 00:38:40,280
The party needs to agree
on another candidate, quick.
536
00:38:40,447 --> 00:38:44,884
- The Chief Whip wondered if you had any ideas.
- As you're Party Chairman.
537
00:38:45,047 --> 00:38:47,515
Well, it's rather difficult.
538
00:38:47,687 --> 00:38:53,478
You're looking for somebody with outstanding
qualities, a potential Prime Minister.
539
00:38:53,647 --> 00:38:56,320
- Someone who's sound.
- Yes.
540
00:38:57,447 --> 00:38:58,926
Likeable.
541
00:39:00,887 --> 00:39:02,525
Flexible.
542
00:39:02,687 --> 00:39:04,917
Yes. Normal.
543
00:39:07,447 --> 00:39:09,085
- Solvent.
- Yes.
544
00:39:09,247 --> 00:39:12,603
And acceptable to both wings of the party.
545
00:39:12,767 --> 00:39:16,680
And someone who understands
how to take advice, Minister.
546
00:39:16,847 --> 00:39:18,963
Yes. Well...
547
00:39:19,567 --> 00:39:22,400
Gosh! Who can I suggest?
548
00:39:24,367 --> 00:39:27,757
- Have you thought of doing the job yourself?
- Me?!
549
00:39:27,927 --> 00:39:31,078
- Why not?
- Wouldn't you want to be Prime Minister?
550
00:39:31,247 --> 00:39:36,241
I'd love to be, but... It's a very big job.
I'm not sure I could. Prime Minister!
551
00:39:36,407 --> 00:39:40,798
Perhaps the Minister feels
he's not absolutely Prime Ministerial calibre.
552
00:39:40,967 --> 00:39:45,961
- There isn't any doubt about that, Humphrey.
- No, not in my mind. But you seem hesitant.
553
00:39:46,127 --> 00:39:49,676
Modesty forbids.
But I have no doubt I can do the job.
554
00:39:49,847 --> 00:39:53,999
- Modestly put, Minister.
- There's only one fly in the ointment.
555
00:39:54,167 --> 00:39:59,161
You're a bit of an outsider. Can you organise
some public success in the next few days?
556
00:39:59,327 --> 00:40:03,366
A tall order.
I'm up to my neck in the Euro sausage!
557
00:40:05,367 --> 00:40:09,440
Won't it be enough to start campaigning,
let people know I want the job?
558
00:40:09,607 --> 00:40:13,600
Quite the reverse!
Better to let people know you DON'T want it.
559
00:40:13,767 --> 00:40:17,203
- Would that be enough?
- If you tell everybody that, yes.
560
00:40:17,367 --> 00:40:22,043
Leave the campaigning to me.
Say you have no ambitions in that direction.
561
00:40:22,207 --> 00:40:26,485
Yes. But supposing somebody says,
"Does that mean you refuse to stand?"
562
00:40:26,647 --> 00:40:31,402
- You know how the media try to trap you.
- Minister, it's not my place, but, er,
563
00:40:31,567 --> 00:40:36,800
previously the acceptable answer has been,
"While one does not seek the office,
564
00:40:36,967 --> 00:40:40,004
"one has pledged oneself
to the service of one's country,
565
00:40:40,167 --> 00:40:44,843
"and if one's friends were to persuade one
that was the best way one could serve,
566
00:40:45,007 --> 00:40:51,799
"one might have to accept the responsibility
whatever one's own private wishes might be."
567
00:40:58,007 --> 00:41:02,683
"...private wishes might be."
Yes, I think I've got that.
568
00:41:02,847 --> 00:41:06,044
So, it's a three-way election, then.
569
00:41:06,207 --> 00:41:10,200
Ideally, it should be an unopposed election.
Unity sits well with the public.
570
00:41:10,367 --> 00:41:13,518
- The party will welcome that.
- Eric and Duncan won't!
571
00:41:13,687 --> 00:41:16,406
Eric and Duncan must be persuaded to withdraw.
572
00:41:17,767 --> 00:41:23,717
- Oh. You mean you'll have a word with them.
- I can't. I haven't seen the files.
573
00:41:23,887 --> 00:41:27,800
- Humphrey, then.
- No, it's an internal party matter.
574
00:41:27,967 --> 00:41:30,845
- It would be most improper.
- Well, who...
575
00:41:32,887 --> 00:41:34,843
You don't mean...?
576
00:41:35,007 --> 00:41:38,158
- I can't!
- No one else can.
577
00:41:38,847 --> 00:41:43,796
You want me to tell one of my colleagues
he's a swindler and the other he's a pervert!
578
00:41:44,767 --> 00:41:49,124
Not in so many words! Say you don't believe
they've done anything wrong.
579
00:41:49,287 --> 00:41:53,678
- Just let them know you know something.
- They'll tell me to mind my own business!
580
00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:59,399
Then you say, as Chairman, it's your duty to see
the information reaches those who need to know.
581
00:41:59,567 --> 00:42:04,960
The Party Executive, major contributors,
elder statesmen, patrons, the Palace, perhaps.
582
00:42:06,127 --> 00:42:10,040
Tell each of them
they have no alternative but to pull out
583
00:42:10,207 --> 00:42:13,244
and support someone who will protect them.
584
00:42:13,407 --> 00:42:16,319
You want me to protect them?
585
00:42:16,487 --> 00:42:20,799
It's nobody else's business
as long as security's not involved.
586
00:42:20,967 --> 00:42:25,995
- I don't have the stomach for the task.
- You have no choice now that you know.
587
00:42:26,167 --> 00:42:30,843
Nobody else knows that I know.
Let's just forget all about it!
588
00:42:31,807 --> 00:42:35,243
- That would be very courageous.
- Courageous? Why?
589
00:42:35,407 --> 00:42:41,118
If anything were to happen and it later emerged
you had the information and suppressed it...
590
00:42:41,287 --> 00:42:46,805
- You mean you'd leak it?
- Covering up for your chums...
591
00:42:46,967 --> 00:42:50,960
Greater love hath no man than this,
that he should lay down his career.
592
00:42:51,127 --> 00:42:53,402
Humphrey, you're threatening me!
593
00:42:55,207 --> 00:42:57,675
No, Minister, I'm helping you.
594
00:42:59,487 --> 00:43:03,685
You see, Jim, there's one other quality
Prime Ministers need.
595
00:43:03,847 --> 00:43:05,883
The killer instinct.
596
00:43:07,127 --> 00:43:09,243
The killer instinct.
597
00:43:09,807 --> 00:43:11,286
Yes.
598
00:43:13,727 --> 00:43:15,479
Ah, thanks.
599
00:43:15,647 --> 00:43:21,119
- Well, here's to Number 10, eh?
- Thanks... I mean, yes.
600
00:43:30,367 --> 00:43:32,085
What's up, Jim?
601
00:43:32,247 --> 00:43:34,158
Duncan...
602
00:43:34,327 --> 00:43:37,524
...I have a problem.
- You're not going to support me.
603
00:43:37,687 --> 00:43:39,757
- Yes. No.
- Yes, no?
604
00:43:39,927 --> 00:43:41,280
Exactly.
605
00:43:41,447 --> 00:43:44,757
Some information has come my way.
606
00:43:44,927 --> 00:43:47,885
- Oh, yes?
- Serious information.
607
00:43:48,047 --> 00:43:54,839
- Concerning your personal... financial operations.
- I beg your pardon?
608
00:43:55,007 --> 00:43:59,046
- About the collapse of Continental and General.
- That was just bad luck.
609
00:43:59,207 --> 00:44:02,404
The transfer of funds
to directors' nominee companies.
610
00:44:02,567 --> 00:44:05,877
- There's nothing wrong with that.
- Technically, but...
611
00:44:06,047 --> 00:44:09,926
...in conjunction with a similar case
at Offshore Securities?
612
00:44:11,807 --> 00:44:15,322
- Where did you get all this?
- Sorry, but if you're running for PM
613
00:44:15,487 --> 00:44:20,925
I shall feel obliged to share what I know
with senior party members.
614
00:44:21,087 --> 00:44:27,037
If it came out into the open, there'd have to be
an enquiry by the Inland Revenue, Fraud Squad.
615
00:44:29,087 --> 00:44:32,636
None of that need matter
if it's all above-board.
616
00:44:32,807 --> 00:44:35,924
And I'm sure it is, if you say so, Duncan.
617
00:44:40,527 --> 00:44:44,406
- There was nothing improper.
- Good, then I'm free to talk about it,
618
00:44:44,567 --> 00:44:47,639
- bring it all out into the open.
- Hold on!
619
00:44:47,807 --> 00:44:51,641
Financial matters can be misinterpreted.
People will misunderstand.
620
00:44:51,807 --> 00:44:53,399
How true.
621
00:44:53,567 --> 00:44:57,845
Look, Jim, I'm not sure
that I really want Number 10.
622
00:44:59,447 --> 00:45:04,282
The Foreign Office is a better job in many ways.
But I won't support Eric.
623
00:45:05,687 --> 00:45:08,155
Suppose Eric didn't get it?
624
00:45:08,967 --> 00:45:14,837
How would it be if you were to transfer
all your support to someone else?
625
00:45:15,007 --> 00:45:16,326
Who?
626
00:45:16,487 --> 00:45:20,002
It would have to be somebody
who recognised your qualities,
627
00:45:20,167 --> 00:45:22,886
who'd want you to stay at the Foreign Office.
628
00:45:23,047 --> 00:45:26,642
Someone who could be discreet
about Continental and General.
629
00:45:27,487 --> 00:45:30,001
Someone you could trust.
630
00:45:30,807 --> 00:45:32,877
An old friend.
631
00:45:36,847 --> 00:45:39,236
Do you mean you?
632
00:45:39,407 --> 00:45:43,525
Me? I have absolutely no ambition
in that direction.
633
00:45:43,687 --> 00:45:45,882
You DO mean you!
634
00:45:48,287 --> 00:45:51,438
- I see.
- You do realise this is serious, Eric?
635
00:45:51,607 --> 00:45:54,997
- Yes. And you're not going to help me, right?
- Yes.
636
00:45:55,167 --> 00:45:57,283
- You are or you're not?
- Yes.
637
00:45:57,447 --> 00:46:01,963
- Jim!
- I'm going to help you, but not to become PM.
638
00:46:02,127 --> 00:46:07,042
- You said you were.
- Until I heard about the lady from Argentina.
639
00:46:07,567 --> 00:46:10,525
- And others.
- I see.
640
00:46:11,007 --> 00:46:13,601
As Party Chairman I have my duty.
641
00:46:13,767 --> 00:46:18,557
It'd be a disaster for the party
if you became PM and all this came out.
642
00:46:18,727 --> 00:46:22,800
I wouldn't care to have to explain it
to Her Majesty.
643
00:46:22,967 --> 00:46:24,798
Would you?
644
00:46:25,807 --> 00:46:27,957
I'll withdraw.
645
00:46:28,127 --> 00:46:30,561
I think that's very sensible.
646
00:46:31,447 --> 00:46:34,439
So we'll say no more about it to anyone.
647
00:46:34,607 --> 00:46:36,359
Thanks, Jim.
648
00:46:36,527 --> 00:46:41,555
- So Duncan will get Number 10. My God!
- Not if I can help it.
649
00:46:41,727 --> 00:46:44,525
- Who, then?
- Cheers.
650
00:46:46,607 --> 00:46:49,644
- You don't mean YOU?
- Me?
651
00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:55,643
Our children are reaching the age where Annie
and I are hoping to spend more time together.
652
00:46:55,807 --> 00:46:57,684
You DO mean you!
653
00:47:00,447 --> 00:47:02,961
- Minister.
- Humphrey, what's the hurry?
654
00:47:03,127 --> 00:47:06,119
I've arranged a brief meeting
with the European Commissioner.
655
00:47:06,287 --> 00:47:08,118
Maurice? He flew out this morning.
656
00:47:08,287 --> 00:47:10,676
- His flight's been delayed.
- So?
657
00:47:10,847 --> 00:47:14,522
We might persuade him
to solve our sausage problem.
658
00:47:14,687 --> 00:47:16,678
- How?
- (PHONE RINGS)
659
00:47:16,847 --> 00:47:19,281
Excuse me... Yes?
660
00:47:19,447 --> 00:47:22,837
Oh, yes, ask him to come in, will you?
Thank you.
661
00:47:24,047 --> 00:47:25,560
Leave it to me.
662
00:47:27,087 --> 00:47:30,363
Just, er, just give me support when I ask for it.
663
00:47:32,367 --> 00:47:35,359
- Ah, Maurice, how nice to see you.
- Humphrey.
664
00:47:35,527 --> 00:47:39,486
- You know each other.
- Jim, to what do I owe this pleasure?
665
00:47:42,247 --> 00:47:45,444
The Minister asked me to arrange this meeting
666
00:47:45,607 --> 00:47:48,963
- to see if you could help us with a problem.
- Problem.
667
00:47:49,127 --> 00:47:50,480
Of course.
668
00:47:50,647 --> 00:47:55,198
The problem is that the EEC
is becoming very unpopular over here.
669
00:47:55,367 --> 00:47:57,437
- Isn't that so?
- Very unpopular.
670
00:47:57,607 --> 00:47:59,643
- You want to restore its image?
- Yes.
671
00:47:59,807 --> 00:48:01,445
- No.
- No.
672
00:48:02,527 --> 00:48:05,997
The Minister feels there would be more votes...
673
00:48:06,167 --> 00:48:09,603
...that he would be better expressing
the views of the British people
674
00:48:09,767 --> 00:48:14,443
by joining the attack on the EEC
rather than leaping to its defence.
675
00:48:14,607 --> 00:48:18,361
- Exactly.
- But your party's committed to support us!
676
00:48:20,367 --> 00:48:23,723
The Minister's point, as I understand it,
677
00:48:23,887 --> 00:48:27,402
is that the commitment
is to the concept and the treaty.
678
00:48:27,567 --> 00:48:30,525
- Treaty.
- It's not committed to the institutions,
679
00:48:30,687 --> 00:48:33,599
nor to the practices, nor to individual policies.
680
00:48:33,767 --> 00:48:38,602
The Minister was giving me an example
the other day, weren't you, Minister?
681
00:48:41,087 --> 00:48:44,397
- About food production.
- Oh, yes.
682
00:48:44,567 --> 00:48:49,561
I've discovered one of your officials
pays farmers to produce masses of surplus food
683
00:48:49,727 --> 00:48:53,037
while the next office pays people
to destroy the surpluses.
684
00:48:53,207 --> 00:48:55,767
- That's not true!
- No?
685
00:48:55,927 --> 00:48:58,805
It's not the next office, not even the same floor!
686
00:49:00,207 --> 00:49:04,439
- The Minister has hundreds of similar examples.
- Hundreds.
687
00:49:04,607 --> 00:49:09,965
The nub of the problem is, the Minister is
starting to think that a member of the Cabinet
688
00:49:10,127 --> 00:49:13,358
ought to start telling
the British people about them.
689
00:49:13,527 --> 00:49:16,041
But that would be intolerable!
690
00:49:16,207 --> 00:49:19,005
Even the Italians wouldn't stoop that low!
691
00:49:19,167 --> 00:49:25,322
The Italians aren't being asked to redesignate
salami as emulsified high-fat offal tubing.
692
00:49:27,247 --> 00:49:28,726
Ah!
693
00:49:30,327 --> 00:49:32,716
And what are you proposing?
694
00:49:32,887 --> 00:49:37,756
After all, we are committed to harmonisation.
We cannot call it a sausage.
695
00:49:37,927 --> 00:49:40,236
What do you suggest?
696
00:49:41,087 --> 00:49:43,806
Well, politics is about presentation.
697
00:49:43,967 --> 00:49:47,198
Why don't we call it "the British sausage"?
698
00:49:47,847 --> 00:49:50,884
British sausage? Saucisse Anglaise.
699
00:49:51,047 --> 00:49:54,437
Salsiccia Inglese. Britisherwurst.
700
00:49:54,607 --> 00:49:59,237
Yes, I think we could...
recommend that to the Commission.
701
00:49:59,407 --> 00:50:00,726
Splendid!
702
00:50:00,887 --> 00:50:05,119
The Minister's always said the EEC
is a splendid institution, haven't you?
703
00:50:05,287 --> 00:50:06,766
Splendid!
704
00:50:12,527 --> 00:50:16,600
- The European correspondents are here now.
- Good. Let 'em in.
705
00:50:16,767 --> 00:50:18,519
Send them in.
706
00:50:18,687 --> 00:50:22,760
- This is about the Euro sausage problem?
- That's right, Bernard.
707
00:50:22,927 --> 00:50:25,760
- That you've solved it.
- No, Bernard.
708
00:50:25,927 --> 00:50:29,840
Solved problems aren't news.
To the press, bad news is good news.
709
00:50:30,007 --> 00:50:34,444
I'm not going to give them a non-story today.
I'll give them a disaster today
710
00:50:34,607 --> 00:50:37,405
- and a triumph tomorrow.
- I see.
711
00:50:38,127 --> 00:50:40,641
- Good morning, gentlemen!
- (ALL) Morning.
712
00:50:40,807 --> 00:50:43,640
Do sit down. Good of you to come.
713
00:50:43,807 --> 00:50:49,564
This is on a lobby basis, non-attributable.
We've got some trouble coming up with Brussels.
714
00:50:49,727 --> 00:50:54,676
Somebody's going to tell you some time,
so I might as well tell you myself.
715
00:50:54,847 --> 00:51:00,285
The trouble is, Brussels is about
to make the British sausage illegal
716
00:51:00,447 --> 00:51:03,200
- under EEC regulations.
- Minister...
717
00:51:03,367 --> 00:51:08,885
...not making the sausage illegal, just the name.
- Thank you, Bernard. I'll deal with that later.
718
00:51:09,047 --> 00:51:12,278
- What do you mean, "illegal"?
- Effectively illegal.
719
00:51:12,447 --> 00:51:17,840
The pork sausage will have to contain
75% lean pork. The same for the beef sausage.
720
00:51:20,887 --> 00:51:23,685
75% lean pork too?
721
00:51:24,287 --> 00:51:26,721
75% lean beef.
722
00:51:26,887 --> 00:51:30,721
- It would make it a luxury food.
- When's this being promulgated?
723
00:51:30,887 --> 00:51:37,042
Next month, probably. They'll deny it, probably
tell you they're just discussing changing its name.
724
00:51:37,207 --> 00:51:40,882
- What is the government going to do?
- I just don't know.
725
00:51:41,047 --> 00:51:43,845
It's a big problem.
I won't pretend we've got an answer.
726
00:51:45,247 --> 00:51:48,000
Well, I must rush. Any more questions?
727
00:51:48,167 --> 00:51:51,398
- When can we use this?
- Tomorrow, as far as I'm concerned.
728
00:51:51,567 --> 00:51:55,845
Bernard will give you a drink
in the press office. Thanks for coming.
729
00:51:56,887 --> 00:52:00,880
You realise the press will be printing
something that isn't true?
730
00:52:01,047 --> 00:52:02,446
Really?
731
00:52:03,247 --> 00:52:05,124
How frightful!
732
00:52:07,807 --> 00:52:12,403
(RADl0) Today's story about the proposed
European ban on the British sausage
733
00:52:12,567 --> 00:52:15,127
has caused a maj'or political storm.
734
00:52:15,287 --> 00:52:18,996
Westminster sources say the sausage
could be another banana skin.
735
00:52:19,167 --> 00:52:22,398
It adds to the government's problems
with the succession.
736
00:52:22,567 --> 00:52:27,277
Members are troubled by the fact that
the two obvious candidates for the leadership
737
00:52:27,447 --> 00:52:30,245
represent the extreme wings of the party.
738
00:52:30,407 --> 00:52:34,685
Pressure is mounting for them to withdraw
in favour of a compromise candidate.
739
00:52:34,847 --> 00:52:39,363
No other contender
seems to have caught the public imagination.
740
00:52:39,527 --> 00:52:42,166
- Now sport...
- Turn it off, Donald.
741
00:52:44,087 --> 00:52:48,717
- Is it true about the compromise candidate?
- I believe so.
742
00:52:48,887 --> 00:52:53,244
- Where DO they get their information?
- I can't imagine, Bernard!
743
00:52:53,407 --> 00:52:56,604
Anyway, I never said compromise.
I said moderate.
744
00:52:57,847 --> 00:53:02,682
Incidentally, why are BBC TV and ITN
covering your speech this evening?
745
00:53:02,847 --> 00:53:04,838
I can't imagine, Bernard.
746
00:53:05,007 --> 00:53:10,639
I know that fire and safety policy in government
buildings is awfully important, but...
747
00:53:10,807 --> 00:53:15,164
Maybe someone suggested
I was going to raise other issues as well.
748
00:53:15,687 --> 00:53:19,282
- Who?
- I can't imagine, Bernard.
749
00:53:21,967 --> 00:53:26,279
I am a good European.
I believe in the European ideal.
750
00:53:26,447 --> 00:53:31,282
Never again shall we repeat the bloodshed
of the two world wars.
751
00:53:31,447 --> 00:53:34,007
Europe is here to stay.
752
00:53:34,167 --> 00:53:39,241
But this does not mean that
we have to bow the knee to every directive
753
00:53:39,407 --> 00:53:42,717
from every little bureaucratic Bonaparte
in Brussels.
754
00:53:42,887 --> 00:53:47,324
We are a sovereign nation still.
We are British and proud of it!
755
00:53:51,127 --> 00:53:55,484
We have made enough concessions
to the European Commissar for Agriculture.
756
00:53:55,647 --> 00:53:59,196
When I say Commissar, I use the word advisedly.
757
00:53:59,367 --> 00:54:02,643
We've swallowed the wine lake
and the butter mountain,
758
00:54:02,807 --> 00:54:06,561
we've watched our French friends
beating up British lorry drivers
759
00:54:06,727 --> 00:54:09,036
carrying British lamb to the French.
760
00:54:09,207 --> 00:54:12,438
We have bowed and scraped, doffed our caps,
761
00:54:12,607 --> 00:54:17,635
tugged our forelocks and turned the other cheek,
but I say enough is enough!
762
00:54:20,567 --> 00:54:25,402
The Europeans have gone too far.
They are now threatening the British sausage.
763
00:54:25,567 --> 00:54:31,358
They want to standardise it, by which they mean
they'll force us to eat salami and bratwurst
764
00:54:31,527 --> 00:54:36,999
and other garlic-ridden greasy foods
that are totally alien to the British way of life.
765
00:54:37,167 --> 00:54:41,285
Do you want salami for breakfast
with your egg and bacon? I don't! I won't!
766
00:54:44,407 --> 00:54:49,003
They've turned our pints into litres
and our yards into metres.
767
00:54:49,167 --> 00:54:53,399
We gave up the tanner, the threepenny bit,
the two-bob piece and the half crown,
768
00:54:53,567 --> 00:54:57,276
but they cannot and WILL not
destroy the British sausage.
769
00:55:00,007 --> 00:55:01,804
Not while I'm here!
770
00:55:04,367 --> 00:55:09,600
In the words of Martin Luther, here I stand.
I can do no more.
771
00:55:15,287 --> 00:55:18,802
- Strong stuff, Minister.
- I feel strongly about it.
772
00:55:18,967 --> 00:55:23,802
I sometimes wonder whether you media people
realise how strongly we others feel
773
00:55:23,967 --> 00:55:27,642
about Britain, about our country.
We love it and we're proud of it.
774
00:55:27,807 --> 00:55:30,879
You're at odds with government policy
over the EEC?
775
00:55:31,047 --> 00:55:34,357
I'm very happy with government policy,
Sir Ludovic.
776
00:55:34,527 --> 00:55:40,284
Just a guess. But it's never been government
policy to abolish the British sausage.
777
00:55:40,447 --> 00:55:44,565
Sausages are not only good to eat,
they're full of top-quality nourishment.
778
00:55:44,727 --> 00:55:48,402
Brussels denies wanting
to abolish the British sausage.
779
00:55:48,567 --> 00:55:53,277
They would. They know what they're up against.
They know the strength of British opinion.
780
00:55:53,447 --> 00:55:56,644
Your speech got a lot of coverage
and a lot of praise.
781
00:55:56,807 --> 00:56:00,402
- Was there any significance in the timing?
- Sorry?
782
00:56:00,567 --> 00:56:05,516
Your party is looking for a new leader
and your name's been mentioned a few times.
783
00:56:05,687 --> 00:56:08,440
Oh. Quite a lot, I believe.
784
00:56:09,367 --> 00:56:12,439
But no, I've no ambitions at all in that direction.
785
00:56:12,607 --> 00:56:15,485
So you definitely won't let your name go forward?
786
00:56:16,767 --> 00:56:18,962
Well, Ludo... All I've...
787
00:56:21,087 --> 00:56:25,763
All I've ever wanted to do is serve my country.
I've never sought office.
788
00:56:25,927 --> 00:56:30,955
But if my colleagues persuaded me the best
place to serve it from was 10 Downing Street,
789
00:56:31,127 --> 00:56:35,837
I might perhaps reluctantly be persuaded
to undertake the responsibility
790
00:56:36,007 --> 00:56:38,885
whatever my own private wishes might be.
791
00:56:39,047 --> 00:56:42,403
If you're not in the running, who will you vote for?
792
00:56:42,567 --> 00:56:46,276
Well, it's far too early to say. But I will say this.
793
00:56:46,447 --> 00:56:48,802
This is a time for healing.
794
00:56:48,967 --> 00:56:55,122
A time to stress what we agree about,
not what we disagree about.
795
00:56:55,287 --> 00:57:00,680
We should be looking for the good
in our opponents, not always looking for faults.
796
00:57:00,847 --> 00:57:03,964
There's good in everyone, you know, Ludo.
797
00:57:05,287 --> 00:57:07,926
- Except the French!
- Except...
798
00:57:12,047 --> 00:57:14,038
Even the French.
799
00:57:21,287 --> 00:57:25,565
Minister, a message came from Central House
while you were in committee.
800
00:57:25,727 --> 00:57:27,046
Yes?
801
00:57:27,207 --> 00:57:30,995
- They brought the party meeting forward.
- Brought it forward?
802
00:57:31,167 --> 00:57:36,924
The committee will decide if they're going to
bring up another candidate to oppose you.
803
00:57:37,087 --> 00:57:43,276
- The Chief Whip will phone as soon as it's over.
- W-W-Will he... W-What will they... What if...
804
00:57:43,447 --> 00:57:45,836
Which phone?
805
00:57:46,007 --> 00:57:48,043
- What?
- Which phone will he ring on?
806
00:57:48,207 --> 00:57:50,767
Oh. Er, this one, probably.
807
00:57:51,767 --> 00:57:53,405
Or this one.
808
00:57:54,847 --> 00:57:56,326
Either, really.
809
00:57:56,487 --> 00:58:00,446
If Duncan and Eric withdraw,
which they will, they might not support me.
810
00:58:00,607 --> 00:58:05,078
- That means an election.
- You're the favourite candidate for both sides,
811
00:58:05,247 --> 00:58:08,205
- so you'll be unopposed.
- That's what they say.
812
00:58:09,407 --> 00:58:12,160
Oh, well... No point in worrying about it.
813
00:58:13,607 --> 00:58:17,282
- Might as well sit down and relax.
- (PHONE RINGS)
814
00:58:18,927 --> 00:58:20,440
Yes?
815
00:58:22,007 --> 00:58:23,440
Yes.
816
00:58:25,647 --> 00:58:26,966
Yes.
817
00:58:29,087 --> 00:58:30,406
Yes.
818
00:58:30,567 --> 00:58:33,081
Bernard has an urgent message.
819
00:58:33,807 --> 00:58:36,605
Minister, the Palace have been on the phone.
820
00:58:36,767 --> 00:58:40,999
- The Palace? Why?
- Will you be free to kiss hands at five o'clock?
821
00:58:41,167 --> 00:58:43,886
In the event of an unopposed recommendation.
822
00:58:44,047 --> 00:58:45,366
Well, I...
823
00:58:47,687 --> 00:58:50,565
I think I might be able to make that.
824
00:59:00,567 --> 00:59:02,364
Bernard...
825
00:59:02,527 --> 00:59:05,041
Supposing... You know if I...
826
00:59:06,767 --> 00:59:08,086
Er...
827
00:59:08,247 --> 00:59:11,000
I'd still want a Principal Private Secretary.
828
00:59:12,487 --> 00:59:15,365
- Do you think, er...
- Oh, Minister.
829
00:59:16,367 --> 00:59:17,800
Gosh!
830
00:59:19,887 --> 00:59:22,924
- That'll be all right, won't it, Humphrey?
- Well...
831
00:59:23,087 --> 00:59:25,442
The Prime Minister's word is law.
832
00:59:29,087 --> 00:59:31,601
(PHONE RINGS)
833
00:59:32,887 --> 00:59:34,206
Yes?
834
00:59:36,007 --> 00:59:37,326
Yes.
835
00:59:38,447 --> 00:59:39,766
Yes.
836
00:59:41,247 --> 00:59:43,044
Yes, he's here.
837
00:59:45,287 --> 00:59:47,164
I'll tell him.
838
00:59:47,927 --> 00:59:50,487
It... It... It... Is...
839
00:59:51,487 --> 00:59:53,603
Is it me?
840
00:59:53,767 --> 00:59:56,076
Yes, Prime Minister!
841
00:59:57,887 --> 01:02:59,321
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